Monday, September 24, 2012

Story Critique Project: Protector Part 2



School has ended. In Sheila’s classroom, Sheila packed her things in her bag. Most of her friends had cleared the area. The teacher was cleaning the whiteboard. Sheila walked out the school building. Students were all heading towards the school gate.  At the school gate, cars stopped to pickup students.
Sheila waited at the gate for her parents. She saw one by one of her schoolmates leave as their parents pick them up. She waited 15 minutes and still her parents hasn’t arrive. After 30 minutes still not arrive. After a while she was the only one left.
The engines roared as Tuah stepped on the accelerator in that White proton iswara. His prey was in sight. Sheila standing alone outside the gate. The white iswara sped as it neared Sheila. Sheila was looking away from the car. In the car Tuah braked to a screeching halt. The man in the back seat burst open the car door.
To Shiela it was like a dream or nightmare. She was too shocked to struggle or to even think. She could remember hearing a car braking next to her. Then everything was blurry. Everything went black. She didn’t know how long she was out, but she awoken in darkness. She could not see, could not hear, and could not move. She wondered if she had died. Was she in her grave.
The kidnapping went out as planned. The gang gathered in the dusty room, which is their base. Shiela sat at a corner, bound, blindfolded, gagged, and confused.
Tuah ordered all to gather around. The men were excited and nervous. They were clutching their weapons. Some were constantly looking at the window, expecting to be shot down by police.
“This is only the first part. Relax, we’ll be ok if we follow a few rules,” Tuah lighted a cigarette and took in a few puffs.”We have to rules to make sure this goes right.” Tuah offered a cigarette to Malik. Malik took the cigarette but did not light it.
“The first rule: There have to be 3 people in this house at any time. Second rule: Anyone leaving here must be accompanied by another person. Third rule: There will always be one person to watch the girl at all times. Is that understood?”
The men were quiet and nervous.
“Is that understood!?” said Tuah.
“yes sir,” said the men.
Tuah ordered Malik to put Shiela in another room. Malik obediently dragged Shiela to the room. After he closed the door behind him, Malik careful inspect the room for any way to escape.  All the windows have been grilled and covered with wooden planks. Malik put Sheila on a mattress inside the room. He removed one of her ear plugs.
“Don’t worry, you’re not going to get hurt. I’m a friend” he put the ear plug back.
Tuah ordered Malik to buy some food. He instructed to take one guy with him. Malik picked Kudin. Kudin was a scrawny guy. His main addiction is those illegal gambling machines. Malik managed to persuade the naïve Kudin to spend some time at the illegal gambling machines while Malik go elsewhere, against the rules made by Tuah they split up. Criminals, it seems, do not like following rules.
Malik parked the car at the university. From his bag he produced a white lab coat. He got out of the car and wore the lab coat, covering the tattoos, scars, and knee ripped jeans. He opened the dashboard compartment to reveal .45 pistol revolver. Carefully he put the revolver in his bag and zipped it up. Shouldering his bag he headed towards the academic building.
 “Sir,” Malik heard someone called him. He turned around to see one of his students.

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